I stopped by the grocery store on my way home from the store this evening to buy grapefruits and butter… six pounds of butter — it was on sale and I’m going to be baking buttery wedding cakes from my pretty wedding cake book. On the way in to the store I passed a car with its headlights on. I slowed down, then kept walking, having decided that it was probably one of those cars whose headlights stay on for a minute after the car is shut off and will turn themselves off automatically. On my way back to my car, carrying large bags of grapefruit and butter, I noticed the car’s lights were still on. I sauntered past, nonchalantly peeking in the windows to see if somebody was in the car, waiting for a shopper perhaps. I didn’t see anybody, and yet I still hesitated, not wanting to set off a car alarm or be accosted by an angry, suspicious car owner. The driver’s side door didn’t look completely latched, so I braved it and tested the door — it was unlocked! I filled with pride at my goodness as I looked for the switch to turn off the headlights.
I didn’t find the switch, and after a moment fumbling in the dark (the overhead light didn’t turn on) I gave up and left the car to be drained of its battery because the owner left the lights on. I tried to be helpful, doing one of those random acts of kindness or whatever that you hear about sometimes, and I failed. I left disappointed in myself as well as vaguely paranoid about having unwittingly participated in some kind of psychology student experiment about altruism or something.
I ate a grapefruit at home as quickly as possible to cheer myself up. Yum.
The diamond industry’s marketing campaign has totally gotten to me. When I was younger I thought diamonds were silly and not especially pretty and I didn’t like their history and the unnecessary allocation of resources on such a trifle. Now, for reasons I don’t quite understand myself, I think they’re rather pretty and part of me wants one. I mean, they’re shiny and sparkly and pretty and symbolic. Who cares if the “tradition” was made up by a De Beers executive in the last century, I want to be part of it! I’ve started staring longingly at women’s engagement rings when I see them at work, on my friends’ ring fingers, in this photograph of my future sister-in-law’s hand…
I’m starting to think about “right-hand rings”, too, those new diamond rings marketed to women to buy for themselves. Why wait for a man to buy the diamond of my dreams for me? I’m successful, secure, and beautiful. I’m worth it. One website’s copy reads: “Women around the globe are realizing they’re worth it! Splurge a little, live a little, sparkle a lot! Women work and can buy what they want. They can reward themselves. Right hand rings not only make a fashion statement, they celebrate independence and freedom. And men can buy them too, to show a woman he does appreciate her uniqueness!”
The only thing keeping me back from a ring — engagement or right-hand — is vanity: I have huge knuckles and rings looking foolish on me. When they’re big enough to fit over my knuckle, they knock around on the finger. If they’re small enough to rest nicely where they’re supposed to, it doesn’t make it past the knuckle. Oh, plus that whole “engagement” aspect of an engagement ring is kind of a downer.
I fell asleep on the couch last night around 6:30. I vaguely remembering lying down after reading a magazine. Suddenly it was eight o’clock and Steve was carrying me to bed. He tucked me in and closed the bedroom door. So cute. I fell back asleep before long and stayed that way for the next ten hours.
Yesterday the temperature in the Valley was 99 degrees. The previous record was 95, and average temperature for that day is 76. Right now, my computer says it’s 101 degrees. That’s too hot. It had better cool down again to normal temps before climbing back into the summer heat, I will be forced to complain about it some more.
I just spent an hour lying out by the pool reading a magazine, now and then getting up to wade knee-deep in the pool, which is still painfully cold. I smell terrible now, as as I always do after sunning myself. Come hug me!
The group of women in this season’s “America’s Next Top Model” just don’t seem very good to me. Was it like this the first few weeks of the previous seasons that I watched? I could have justified sending half the girls home. The judges’ choice was a good one, I agree, and I really liked Cassandra. She was very positive and kind and easygoing. When she was packing her things to leave she calmly said that she was disappointed to be heading home, and also she was thankful for the opportunity and appreciative of what she learned. She was very likeable.
I like falling asleep cuddled up together. I like waking up to find him in bed with me and wrapping myself around him before falling back asleep. I like having someone to help me wake up in the morning. I like a reasonable companion to reassure my sleeping self when I leap from the bed in a panic or kick my legs at an imaginary assailant or try to pull the blankets to the floor during sleepwalking (sleep-punching, sleep-jumping, etc) incidents.
I’ve been sleeping alone for the past week while Steve has been in San Francisco for the Game Developers Conference, and I’ve had some confusing episodes. The first night I remember hallucinating but I don’t think I got out of bed so it doesn’t really count as sleepwalking. I opened my eyes to find somebody (completely imaginary, it turned out) standing near the bed. I bolted upright in a panic, then realized it was just a visitor bringing a bouquet of flowers for me and there was nothing to worry about. I stared at the wall for another minute, pretty sure that this wasn’t real but I could still see the yellow flowers so maybe it was, and decided that I would go back to sleep and deal with it the morning.
Several mornings I had trouble with the alarm clock. The first time the radio on Monday morning, I turned it off completely and closed my eyes again for sleep. A moment later I realized, wait, no, I needed to hit snooze, not turn it off, or else I wouldn’t wake up again for work.. So I did that, even though the radio was already off so nothing happened. Hm… oh yeah I can turn the alarm back on, which I did. So it was set for the original time, which by now was a minute prior. Ok, I got this, somehow I need to make the alarm go off again in a few minutes… Oh! I can set the alarm for a few minutes in the future! Which I did, successfully, and then hit the snooze button a few more times. The same thing happened the next morning. On Wednesday I heard the radio say something about 7:35 so I leaped to the floor, thinking I had somehow overslept and I needed to leave in ten minutes to make it to my dentist appointment on time. But the clock said 6:45, and I confirmed it on my cell phone in case I had mistakenly changed the clock’s time or something. I’m still not sure what happened.
11AM Could Be the Year He Moves Out of His Parents’ Basement
Clerk: You know, the adult videos are ‘Buy two, get a third free.’
Best girlfriend evar: Really? Honey, go get that one we were looking at.
Boyfriend: What, the one with the two blondes on the cover?
BGE: No, no — the pirates one.
Boyfriend: Okay, be right back.
BGE, as soon as he’s out of earshot: Quick, while he’s gone can you box up that Spiderman statue behind you, too?
I wonder who overheard the above conversation – probably a coworker, or perhaps another customer?
I just discovered this website,
It has a sister site, overheardinnewyork.com. I just read the following exchange and it made me laugh out loud, I’m not sure why. Maybe the innocence and hope of the question.
Teacher: When you grow up you can be anything you want!
Second grader: I can be an elephant?!
I had an interview yesterday for a senior funder position in my office (currently I am a funder, the regular kind, so this would be a step up). It was with my current manager and was pretty ridiculous. She had to ask the questions from the interview sheet anyway. Here is an approximation of how it went.
Manager: Why do you want to become a senior funder?
Me: I am one of the senior funders in a general sense and I would like to make it official. I’ve been in the office longer than anybody who isn’t management, I’ve been funding longer than any of the other funders, I know the process extremely well, I already act as a team lead and a contact for anybody with questions, I consistently have good reviews. I’d like to get the official title and recognition.
Manager: And the salary, you want that too.
Me: Yes, I want more money.
Manager: How would you manage the additional responsibilities as a senior funder?
Me: Would I have any additional responsibilities compared to now?
Manager: No, you really wouldn’t. Yeah, you’re doing everything already. Let me write that down… “already doing it”, got it.
Unless something completely unexpected happens, I should be offered the job next week and the pay raise will probably take effect a few weeks after that.
That is how much I spent at the grocery store this evening. I think I spend too much money on food – I’m by myself for a week and a half while Steve is in San Francisco for the Game Developers Conference and that seems like a lot of money for just me. Sure, I bought a few staples like $10 of toilet paper and a whole stack of the Michelinas frozen dinners that were on sale for a dollar, but that doesn’t explain that whole amount.
It’s probably all the fresh fruit and vegetables. I try to buy only what’s on sale, but sometimes I don’t stick to that, or the sale prices themselves aren’t very good. For example, I’ve been eating a lot of grapefruits that at 99 cents per pound are about a dollar each. I fill a bag every time, which usually holds 5 or 6.
I’ve always loved grocery shopping. When I was in high school after I got my drivers license in 10th grade my mom would often give me a blank check made out to the supermarket, hand me a basic list, and send me on my way. I liked being able to choose the foods that I liked and pick which brand and style of list-items to buy, and I was always looking for a bargain. For our family of five the weekly total was often around $140. Why does my own personal bill come to half that amount for one-fifth the number of people? Inflation is a factor, I’m sure. And the school doesn’t feed us our mid-day meals anymore. Also, I buy more expensive things now than I did when I was shopping for our family. I like being able to splurge on expensive foods we couldn’t buy when I was younger, like fresh fruits that aren’t in season, or fancy desserts simply because I’m craving them.
My latest craving, along with grapefruit, is the kind of chocolate ice cream bar with the crunchy outer coating. I couldn’t find any Crunch bars so the first time I bought the generic brand (soggy rice bits instead of toffee, not so good) and then I bought a Heath bar on a stick which was delicious. This time I got Klondike bars that have Heath bits but no stick. It’s weird – I’ve never been a big fan of ice cream and certainly not chocolate ice cream. At work, when management brings in ice cream sandwiches and Fudgesicles I always pass. I don’t even like orange Dreamsicles – why do they have to ruin a perfectly good orange popsicle with that gross ice cream? And here I am actively seeking out vanilla ice cream bars with a chocolatey coating. So good!