Q. What do you call a lazy bison?
A. A buffaloafer.
Q. What do you call a trunk full of bison?
A. A buffaload.
When I had (swine?) flu last month he bought me red-white-and-blue popsicles, the kind with jokes printed on the sticks, so that I would eat at least a little something and not die. I laughed and laughed at those two jokes. They still make me smile, even without the benefit of a a high fever.
A few friends came over to hang out in our pool on Saturday. A couple tried to recreate the lift from “Dirty Dancing” but he wasn’t able to lift her all the way and when he mentioned the max weight he has pressed overhead at the gym it was a few pounds more than my body weight. She suggested that he try it with me instead, adding “But don’t enjoy touching her. I’ve got my eye on you both…” We promised that neither of us would enjoy the required minimal physical contact. We succeeded at the first try, and after moment feeling self-congratulatory at his own strength, he let go and stepped out of the way as I fell straight at the water in a full-body belly flop. The others got water up their nose during the ensuing hysterical laughter.
“Uh, sorry about that,” he said. “I didn’t think it would work so well, and I hadn’t thought what I would do if I was actually able to get you up there. I didn’t have an exit strategy.” We decided to try again and I’d work on keeping better form this time, and if things felt off he’d either let me back down gently or tip me forward so I could at least avoid the belly flop. Somebody thought to get a camera this time and the results are above. I still ended up face first in the water, but it didn’t hurt this time. Expect more — and hopefully better — pool videos to come throughout the summer!
I went to Target today with a mental list of 3 needed items: garbage bags, toilet paper, and fabric softener sheets. I walked out with $98.50 of goods but no fabric softener sheets. This is why I need to use actual paper lists, even when it’s only 3 items.
I bought new shoes! For a couple months I’ve been casually looking for a new pair of brown-family shoes I can wear to work, and these I can wear on the weekend or to dress up, too. They’re very me, I love bright shoes and plaid shorts and skirts, and these fit right in. No leather, and the strap is velcro to allow for a perfect fit! They look brighter when wearing them because the dark brown sole isn’t visible. I just now painted my toenails a bright fuscia-red to make the best of the new shoes — my toes really needed some upkeep anyway. I will wear my lovely new wedges tomorrow!
A few people in nearby cubicles have been working on collections calls the past few weeks, attempting to retrieve payment from customers who are 30-90 days late on their equipment loans or leases. The guy adjacent to me is a good ol’ boy from North Dakota, went to college at Mankato State in MN, probably mid-40s, used to be a gym teacher, has a masters degree in “leadership” (I didn’t ask him what that meant or where he got his graduate degree), and frequently wears long-sleeved sporty sweatshirt things with a little mock turtleneck collar. Yesterday somebody else asked, “Hey, do we have a demand letter available in Spanish?” while working on a collections account.
The fellow next to me mutters back, “I sure hope not!”
“What?” I ask, turning my radio down. “Did you just say that you hope there isn’t a letter in Spanish? A letter that could help collect payment from a customer, which is kind of the point?”
“Heck no,” he replied, “if you come to my country then you dang well better speak our language. It’s America.”
Several people in the area popped up their heads and started a discussion about language requirements for citizenship and work visas and the amount of money spent to satisfy English-language-learner public school requirements and whether or not there was an English ability test to get through Ellis Island. A middle-aged woman piped up.
“My grandfather came from Norway and he didn’t speak any English,” she said. “He came across on a boat.”
“Well, that’s different,” my neighbor said. “If he came from Europe on a boat, that’s different. He deserved a break.”
Last night I was tooling around on beyondthewhiteboard.com, a site for CrossFit gyms and CrossFitters, and I read through all the benchmark workouts. There’s a group called the Girls and I’ve only done a handful of them. I’d heard of Angie but didn’t know what it is: 100 pull-ups, 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups and 100 squats. When I read the description I said, “Ooh, that sounds fun! Hard of course, but with enough time I wonder if I could do it Rx’d?” (Rx’d = as prescribed, without scaling down weights, distances, or reps to suit one’s own level and strength. I scale most workouts.)
Then I realized, “That would take me, like, an hour. I’d like to try it sometime but maybe not just yet. Oh god and what would happen to my hands after 100 pull-ups? I would like to try it sometime though…”
Here’s what would happen to my hands: I’d get blisters on the pads at the base of my fingers, despite the callouses I’ve developed this year, and at least one of them would fill with a mix of plasma and blood and leak out on the pull-up bar. I know this because the workout of the day at CrossFit this evening was Angie, the first time for us.
I finished in just under 44 minutes, not Rx’d. I did 51 pull-ups before switching to the band (pull-ups with a foot in a giant rubber band looped around the bar to add upwards assistance) and 51 push-ups on my toes before dropping to my knees. Despite being almost ten minutes behind the next slowest person at my session, I’m pleased with my performance. After my hands heal, I look forward to doing it again sometime, either in a shorter time or closer to being fully prescribed.
The fastest person at our gym did it in 12ish minutes, because he’s unbelievable like that, while most people were in the 20-35 range. My arms still feel swollen. Have I mentioned that I love CrossFit?
When I decided to get myself a blog coming on three years ago my younger brother set me up real quick and I planned to figure out WordPress and personalize the template to my own choosing and make it my own style and everything. Then I did none of those things and just let it stay as he happened to set it up, and the domain name magically renewed its registration, and I never upgraded with each WordPress version, and I didn’t even know where my website was being hosted but I was pretty sure it was one brother or another.
It has now been transferred over to being hosted by WordPress for free and as soon as I pay a few bucks and choose some options in this newfangled WordPress version the address will go back to showing without the .wordpress in it. And maybe I’ll choose a design to make it look all nice and stuff. Or, you know, I’ll leave it as is because that other thing sounds hard and will cut into my sitting around time. Any requests or suggestions? Now would be an especially good time to voice them.
Last Friday I went to the 6 o’clock workout after work, as usual. The Workout of the Day was one of “the girls”, a standard CrossFit workout named Diane. Here’s an example of some dude who completes it in 1:49: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YARXjYqC8mU. It took me 14 minutes, I used 82 pounds during the lifts, and I put a 2 inch pad under my head during the handstand push-ups for a smaller, easier range of motion. I also can’t do strict HSPU yet so I kip (kick my legs for momentum), kind of like this guy except I keep my knees together and bend my legs away from the wall rather than out to the side.
21 Handstand Push-ups
15 Handstand Push-ups
9 Handstand Push-ups
I was covered in a sweat sheen and my arm muscles felt swollen afterwards. I got home at 7:15 and said, “Hey, you know what? I think I’m going to go for a run. Sure, I’m all sweaty, but that’s because it’s almost 100 degrees and I come from a family of sweaters and not because I truly exhausted myself. Tonight’s workout was mostly strength rather than cardio. I’m off for a run!”
And then I headed out for some running. There weren’t any bears chasing me and I wasn’t late for anything, and yet I ran anyway. Totally on purpose. I ran to the park a couple blocks away and jogged around the little lake two times, stopping to stretch between laps, and then ran home. It was maybe 2/3 of a mile total, so nothing much, except that this is me and it was running. Before I joined CrossFit Southwest I wouldn’t have considered it, and now I plan to do it again. Crazy.